- You shout, "Jeanie!" every time you see a red Mini.
- You've made a pact with your best mate to come back and haunt the other should one of you die unexpectedly.
- You turn into a back-seat driver.
- You can name an episode just by seeing what arrangement the furniture in 'that green-and-white room' is in.
- You are convinced that it's easy to spot a villain because they're all obviously fashion victims.
- You get some good news and can't help but say "fantastic!" every time.
- You become paranoid about crossing roads and of hitch-hikers in particular.
- Someone asks you to type up your assignment on a computer, and you look at them blankly as if to say, 'What's a computer?'
- You're annoyed because you can't find any articles in the 70's papers about Marty and Jeff's cases.
- You begin scouring the Earth to find a surviving white Vauxhall like Jeff's.
- The phone rings, and when you pick it up you say, 'Randall and Hopkirk, Private Investigators.'
- Your car is constantly in the garage, more recently with one of the doors off.
- Your dreams don't just include the Randall and Hopkirk cast, they're entirely new episodes.
- You feel ill and become convinced someone is trying to exorcise you.
- You stare at dogs, hoping to get them to obey you.
- You have memorised every episode, after seeing each one about 100 times.
- You begin talking to yourself, convinced Marty can hear you.
- The only days that ever have meaning are the days when UK Gold or BBC2 run Randall and Hopkirk.
- A picture falls off your wall, and you wonder what you've done to annoy Marty *this* time.
- Your briefcase combination is either 1969, 1970 or 1971.
- You get a strange compulsion to wear white.
- You've completely customised your computer with Randall and Hopkirk sounds, pictures, icons...
- ... and you're not in the least bit embarrassed.
- You become extremely agitated that you can't find Randall & Hopkirk - Orivate Investigators in the Yellow Pages...
- ... and turn the house upside down looking for the 1969 - 71 edition.
- You get the uncanny ability to turn up at a friend's house just as they're getting cosy with their partner.
- Your startup is the Randall and Hopkirk theme.
- You start eating your lunch in the local launderette.
- You call up toy companies and demoand to know why they haven't made any Randall and Hopkirk figures.
- You change your car's numberplate to RXD 996F.
- Your wedding outfit looks like one of Jean's outfits...
- Heck, so do all of your clothes!
- You realise all your boyfriends have been called either Jeff or Marty.
- You want the email address martyhopkirk@...
- ... but then realise that someone else already has it!
Hope you enjoyed these. Any contributions? Email me.